Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category


My thoughts on childbirth

January 21, 2012

So I haven’t posted on here in about a million years. That is the joys of having a full time job and a 1-year old, then 2-year old, and now 3-year old! But I have now been on maternity leave for a month, with baby #2 (a boy) due on January 24th. With his impending birth – any day, hour, minute now, I find myself thinking about the act of childbirth a lot.

With Penny, the maternity clinic I was being seen at was a low-risk obstetrics unit. There were 9 doctors there and you would see any one of them for your appointments, because you didn’t know who was going to be on call when you went into labour. They were all great doctors, to the best of my memory. But they just sort of rushed you through your appointments and made it a routine instead of personalizing it. Anyway, I ended up at a different hospital and not dealing with anyone familiar from the maternity clinic so it didn’t matter. The clinic I am at this time is the same setup with 4 doctors. One is also on maternity leave, being due the same day as me (but with a significantly smaller stomach than me). I have only seen 2 of the doctors, including the one now on mat leave, so chances are I won’t know the doctor who delivers this baby. Even still, I have had much better feelings about this clinic and the ability to have this birth go the way I’d like it to.

First of all, I do NOT want a cesarean section unless it is to save one of our lives. A c-section is major surgery, with considerable recovery time, nevermind the risks of having any surgery at all. I know it happens to other women all the time, but how am I supposed to take care of an active 3-year old and a newborn with a huge gash in my stomach? How am I supposed to be as independent when I’m not allowed to drive for 6 weeks? These are limitations to my life that I’m not willing to impose simply because my birth isn’t quite progressing the way the doctor would like. With Penny, the doctor threatened a c-section at the end because I was ‘getting tired.’ But honestly, when I look back at the birth now, there were a number of factors that contributed to ‘nothing happening’ and none of them were about me being tired. I had an epidural, which completely masked the contractions. I had no concept of when to push, except for the nurse telling me. And because I couldn’t feel anything from the waist down, I had no idea how hard I was pushing. Now it feels like I was barely pushing at all and I could have made much more of an effort. We also figured out just before Penny was born that my contractions would get stronger/longer if I laid on my side. As soon as I realized that, more then 24 hours before, I should have purposely laid on my side to get the birth moving. But in my fear of the pain, I would immediately move to my back again, effectively stalling the contractions.

Pain management is not an issue for me. I’ll go as long as I can without intervening pain management, because it allows me to respond more accurately to my own body’s needs. I can do morphine. I can do laughing gas, although last time I would almost pass out from using it and would have to switch to oxygen really quickly. And I won’t say no to an epidural, but this time I’d prefer a walking epidural if I need one at all.

What I have been thinking about the last few days is my desire to not be induced. I didn’t want to be induced with Penny, but was told that as soon as I declined being induced I was no longer a low-risk patient and couldn’t go to my clinic anymore. There are times when an induction is needed for health reasons, but I believe the majority of the time it is not required. Did you know that the pitocin they pump into you is hundreds of times higher than what your body produces naturally during labour? This places extra strain on your body, and in turn on your baby’s body. They increase the amount of pitocin so rapidly that your body does not have time to naturally adjust to the pain levels and the things it is making your body do. The number of interventions (forcep extractions, vacuum extractions, c-sections) required when you are induced are ridiculously higher. When I was pregnant with Penny, I did all the research on this and had the numbers – now I can’t be bothered to go find them again for you.

What reason do they have for inducing? Based on the date you give the doctor for your last menstrual cycle, they count 280 days and that is your ‘due date.’ But we’re not machines! Not everyone is the same. We have different length menstrual cycles, we have different bodies, we have different factors affecting our births. If you buy 2 bunches of bananas from 2 different stores, they’re going to ripen at slightly different times. If you bake a loaf of bread in Calgary, and use the same recipe and steps to bake a loaf of bread in Victoria, the loaves will be different. Nevermind that! If you use the same recipe and steps to bake a loaf of bread on a bright sunny day versus a rainy day, the loaves will be different. Our bodies ‘ripen’ to birth at different times and in different ways. I don’t think a doctor can say that you need to be induced on a specific date, because your body just isn’t quite ready yet. The oven timer hasn’t dinged yet!

When you allow your body the extra time to prepare, if it happens to be 42 weeks or 43 weeks (I’ve even heard of 44 weeks!), I believe your body knows what it is doing. I believe your joints loosen more, the ligaments stretch more. Your baby will obviously be bigger, but this is what our bodies are meant to do and they know how to do it. Women birthed big babies before medical interventions came along. I realize there were more deaths of both moms and babies back then, but that is where the medical community comes in now. They recognize these risks and should be there ‘in case’. But it is not their place to dictate that your pregnancy be 280 days long, with active labour lasting no longer than X hours because you might get too tired to push, and that the baby needs to be ripped from you if your labour doesn’t follow their text books. I’m going to talk to my doctor on Tuesday about not inducing and how they feel about it, but I am going to push to not be induced (Just a few more days, doc. Just a few more days!)


Daddy, it hurts

September 18, 2009

My name is Chris.
I am three.
My eyes are swollen.
I cannot see.

I must be stupid,
I must be bad.
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better,
I wish I weren’t ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.

I cant do a wrong.
I cant speak at all,
Or else i’m locked up
All day long.

When I’m awake,
I’m all alone.
The house is dark,
My folks aren’t home.

When my mommy does come home
I’ll try and be nice,
So maybe I’ll just get
One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car.
My daddy is back
From Charlies bar.

I hear him curse,
My name is called.
I press myself
Against the wall.

I try to hide
From his evil eyes.
I’m so afraid now,
I’m starting to cry.

He finds me weeping,
Calls me ugly words.
He says its my fault,
He suffers at work.

He slaps and hits me,
And yells at me more,
I finally get free,
And run to the door.

He’s already locked it,
And I start to bawl.
He takes me, and throws me,
Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken.

‘I’m sorry!’, I scream,
But its now much too late.
His face has been twisted
Into an unimaginable shape.

The hurt and the pain,
Again, and again.
Oh please, God, have mercy!
Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops,
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless,
Sprawled on the floor.

My name is Chris,
I am three.
Tonight my daddy
Murdered me.

From an email I received this morning. It asked to be passed on, like a chain letter. But I don’t have many email addresses. I come into more contact with people online so I wanted to share it this way.


Got a minute? Help Holly win a trip to Vegas!

August 27, 2009

Take a minute and stop in at, and check out why Holly should win a trip to Vegas for SITScation. After you check out her entry, click on the “I Like This” link to help her out. Why? Because she’s local – well more local than most people I know online. The contest originally wasn’t open to Canadians, but she entered anyway, and now they’re “working around her location issues.” Yay for her, and good luck!


Nation-wide Baby Shower

July 4, 2009

Update: Amber & Mark were evicted, but have found another place to stay. Amber has given me a friend’s address to send items to. We are sending out Amber’s registry gifts from RG Natural Babies on Monday, August 10. If you can help out with even a $10 or $15 purchase from her registry, she’d greatly appreciate it. I spoke to Amber, and she is planning on sending out thank you notes in October when her baby is born.

Have you ever been having a rough time? Where nothing is going your way, and no matter what you do, it just seems to be getting worse and worse?

Amber and Mark are going through that right now. Amber is pregnant with a little boy who is due on October 9. The have no family nearby, no real support system at all. To top it off, Amber lost her job. They are trying to get ready for what should be a joyous time of their life, and instead they are simply trying to make ends meet. They’ve been given an eviction notice, which they are trying to work out so they can stay there.

Amber says:

“He is barely making enough to pay rent, even though we finally put aside our pride in order to apply for Food Stamps, and I am struggling to find a part time job, let alone one that is close enough for me to get to. We received an eviction notice about a week and a half ago, and are desperately trying to keep our home. Besides that, we are struggling to even keep our water and electricity on. The only reason why we have net is because our neighbor was generous enough to work out an arrangement with us, in exchange for my fiance helping him with yard work.

With all that on our plate, we also are struggling to gather all that we’ll need for the baby. So far, all we have is a pack-n-play from Goodwill, a used travel system (that we are terrified of using, not knowing if the car seat has ever been in an accident or not), a few clothes, a used boppy w/out a cover, and some samples. We are planning on breastfeeding and cloth diapering. We have a horrible family support system, and have been facing roadblocks everywhere we turn for help.

We desperately need help. Anything that you may not need any longer, that we could use for our baby, we’d be immensely grateful for.”

Amber, Mark and their soon-to-be-born little boy could really use some help. We’ve set up a registry at RG Natural Babies for the cloth diapering supplies Amber would like. And I am in contact with some other WAHMs to donate a few of the other items on her wishlist.

Maybe you remember what this kind of despair feels like, you’ve been there before, and maybe someone gave you a helping hand. Or maybe you’re understanding and can help out a little bit. Whatever the case may be, would you mind jumping over to her registry and purchase one item on the list for her? If you mark any purchases for local pickup, we’ll make sure it gets delivered to Amber. Walmart gift cards would be welcomed as well (that was my first thought for helping Amber, but I don’t think gift cards bought in Canada are good in the US). When you purchase something from Amber’s RG Natural Babies registry, could you please mark in the comments that those items are for Amber, just to help out Michelle when she’s going through them? She’d appreciate it!

If you can’t make a purchase to help them out, but have any of the items on their wishlist that you wouldn’t mind sending to them, I have their address in Orlando, Florida.

If you are a WAHM that wouldn’t mind donating an item, please get in touch with me at nicolemarr at shaw dot ca. Any help is greatly appreciated!

I will update this post with any changes.

Thank you to Michelle at RG Natural Babies for helping with the registry and shipping the registry items to Amber!

Thank you to Kim at GADBaby for sending some Rock ‘N Green diaper detergent!

So far Amber has the following coming her way: 3 BumGenius One Size diapers, 3 BumGenius One Size inserts, a pack of Thirsties Fab Wipes, a pair of BumGenius Babylegs, a boppy cover, a care package (prefolds, fenugreek, mother’s milk, New Beginnings LLL magazine, clothes, pacifiers and more), 2 offers of ring slings, some prefold diapers and covers, and some offers of boys’ clothing, nursing pads, a pump, bottles and more clothes. I also spoke to a breastfeeding boutique about sending Amber some nursing bras, and they are graciously going to help out in that department. Thank you to everyone who is helping! I wish we could do more, but your response so far has been amazing!

If you need Amber’s address, please send me a message, and let me know how you’re helping so I can write it down here.