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Thank You

May 15, 2009

I am saving my poems and other writing from an old Geocities website as they are about to shut down Geocities. I don’t have dates of when I wrote these, but 1995-1998 sounds about right. So please don’t just the immaturity of these to be who I am now.

My heart pounds when you walk through that door
You look right through me and the tears start to pour

I’ve had enough of these lies, enough of the games
You’ll never be a true man in my eyes

I’ve had enough runs around the Mulberry Bush
To know that I’ll never get my wish

But that’s OK, that’s fine by me
The realization has set me free

The confusion and anguish your teasing caused
Sits at the back of my mind, forever on pause

The day has come when I can look at you and say
Today is the last day you’ll get in my way

I lived in a fantasy world, saw you in my dreams
I hoped one day they’d come true

But the “what ifs” loomed, the “if onlys” rose
An obstacle larger than life itself

With absolutely no way around, other than to push
For a decision that should never have to be made

I rose to the challenge, but I fall away defeated
I’m not hurt or ashamed, I didn’t fail

Someone once said “to err is humam”
I’ve learned from my mistakes

I walk away with pridem a better person for it all
The guilt and fear, jealousy and hate are gone

Life leads you down the path, you choose this branch or that
The outcome is something you have to live with

You can’t go back, can’t rewind
And make the decision again

I’ve learned this and it allows me to leave you behind
No regrets or anguish over lost opportunities
That may have led to pain and anger anywy

Regardless of the results
I’m glad I made the choices I did

The lost chances have left me with
A newfound respect for myself

Nothing in my life, especially no man
Will ever take that away, not you, not anyone

If the only thing I can do is thank you, I must

I am grateful for all you have led me through
The struggles and confusion, the pleasure and the pain

Thank you for another chance to step up to bat
To step up to the new challenges laid before me

I can make those choices with strength and courage
With wisdom and now, and forever with self-conviction and belief

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